Top 7 Things Douchebags Say at Music Festivals
It’s festival season, and that means the dreaded douchebag is about to be on full prowl: creeping in the corners, approaching girls with his neon pink trucker hat, slurred speech and beer spilling all over. Sigh.
The festival douchebag may seem like an inescapable part of the EDM experience - but it doesn’t have to be. D-bags and tools can learn from the mistakes of their fellow festival-bound bros. So please, read on and take a few notes on things only douchebags say at festivals.
1. “Oh you like trap? You must be a groupie.”
Rule number one: do not refer to women as groupies, rave sluts, or any other stupid misogynistic term created for describing women who simply want to enjoy good music and have a good time.
2. “Hey girl. We got a cabana and some Ciroc. You got any friends?”
The easiest way to come off like a douche is to use your money and status to try to woo women.
3. “Have you seen Molly?” / “Whatssup? I just came here for the girls and the molly” / “Yeah I love to rave. You want any Molly?”
Um, I’m not your mother, so I’m not gonna lecture you about your recreational drug use. But trying to drug girls up in the first ten minutes of meeting us isn’t exactly the best way to come off like a gentleman.
4. “This DJ's sick. That top is sick. My hat is sick. SQUAD.”
Bro, not only are you a total tool, but you’re annoying too.
5. “So check it. Me and my crew are just a couple of nuts lookin for some squirrels.”
Ok, so this one is kind of laughable, and we do like a good cheesey pun, but honestly - no one is going to take you seriously.
6. “Yoooo. My roommate's cousin's sister used to date the DJ.”
Ok, so do you think you’re cool or something? Even if you do know the DJ, it doesn’t score points with the ladies.
7. “This song is SO HARD” [proceeds to middle of the crowd, waves hands and nods head vehemently]
I’m sorry, If you’re headbanging/moshing to Kygo... there's a very good chance that you're a douchebag.
But don’t worry: we aren’t hatin’. We secretly have nothing but love for the douchebag bro. Without him, we wouldn’t be able to stand in the bathroom lines, giggling about his latest failed pickup line, or have funny stories to tell our friends after we get back from our awesome epic adventures. D-bag, it’s ok. We know you can’t help it.