We're deep into Ibiza season now, so it's time you knew how to act.

Brexit or not, Ibiza will remain the stronghold of Brit abroad clubbing, and your timeline is probably heaving with evidence of every other person you're mates with heading over to the White Isle. Some might be seasoned attendees, some might be fresh meat. The same rules of avoidance apply, and we got illustrator Ben Gore to help bring them to life.

Avoid the following at your peril.

Hiding In The Bushes Because You’ve Forgotten Your Passport & Can’t Stand The Shame

You'd never forget anything would ya? You know what EHIC stands for and you've got a special travel wallet to prove it. There's even a stash of foreign stamps in the zippy pocket of your suitcase, just in case.

Complacency's a killer and you're about to get murdered in broad daylight, with your mates standing right next to you. The temptation to return home to hide amongst the foliage and dream of the holiday you could have had will be strong, so avoid it by creating you own mini Ibiza in the park. Spend your holiday money on some speakers and a shitty summertime compilation album and annoy everyone else trying to enjoy the 'Great British Summertime'.

Turning Into An Actual Lobster Because You Think Sun Oil Is The Same As Sun Lotion

They say lobsters mate for life, but you will be mating with nobody if you pretend you can wear factor 15 because your "grandma lives in the Algarve". Burning in the sun will send you swimming back down to your true, shell covered family, as skin on skin contact becomes increasingly unbearable. Cover up, you silly crustacean, or it's down into the depths of despair for you.

Read the Full Story at Ministry of Sound

By Tamara Roper

Illustrations by Ben Gore

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