9 New Year's Resolutions You Say You're Going to Make But We All Know You Won't
Stop Blacking Out Before the Headliner Takes the Stage
How many of you are guilty of this one? All of you? Exactly. This may be due to the fact that instead of trying to fix our problems or seek help, we drown our sorrows in cheap liquor and memes. But that's neither here nor there, this year, let's resolve to start drinking responsibly... or at least semi-responsibly. You can start by just cutting out one drink per weekend, and then by week ten, you might be consuming alcohol like a healthy, responsible adult. Think about it this way, you paid $100 to see the show, why not actually remember it? I can assure you that Skrillex's stage looks a lot better in person than it does when you watch a shaky Instagram video of it, while hungover on the disgusting futon in your friend's living room. #BeNicetoYourLiver2k18
Stop Saying the "Scene is Dead" Every Time You See a Kid Having Fun
If you've ever rolled your eyes at a kid who got excited because his/her favorite Martin Garrix song came on, listen up, this one's for you.
I get it, the new kids don't know what real dance music is. They've never been to a real rave. They just like the artists because of their cool helmets. But what about Deadmau5? Daft Punk? "No, no, that's different, don't be silly," you say as you walk into the same show that the kids you just judged are at.
I'm truly sorry that no one appreciates breakbeat hardcore like you do, but think about how stupid you sound when you say "the scene is dead" as you watch a sold-out venue of happy fans dancing to modern-day dance music.
I know that the only Chainsmokers you want the new generation to listen to, are the ones dressed in all black, outside the venue, giving everyone dirty looks, but it's not going to happen. This year, instead of rolling your eyes at college kids wearing 90's dance music shirts, try actually talking to the kids about to your favorite albums or share some dance music history with them. Just remember, you were just like them when you were their age. #StopBeingAnAssAndLetTheDamnKidsHaveFun2k18
Stop Snapchatting the Entire Show
Don't get me wrong here, I'm all about taking a couple snaps of the show so you can flex on your friends who decided to stay home and watch Netflix, but when your Snap Story reaches 6 minutes, it might be time to put down the phone. Does anyone really need to see fifty different selfie videos of you dancing to ten seconds of every song Kaskade played? This year, cut back on the videos and save the storage on your phone for things that matter, like pictures of your dog. #DontBeANarcissist2k18
Drink More Water
"Beer hydrates me." "Tonic water is still water." "The Native American's called liquor "fire water" close enough, right?" If your initial reaction to this title sounded anything like this, go grab a glass of water. If you think for even a second that vodka tonics will keep your body hydrated enough to dance for six straight hours, you're delusional and probably already dehydrated. #ChugSomeHighQualit
Stop Using YouTube Rips in Your Set
Tired of blending in with the crowd and want to really stand out? Separate yourself from the other four openers playing the same ten Excision and Zomboy songs by purchasing a high quality copy of the song! The fans will go wild over how much cleaner "Throwin' Elbows" sounds when you play it, rather than than the other three times they heard it in the past hour. On top of that, actually buying the tracks will support the two artists whose libraries make up your entire set. #UsingBeatportWillMakeYouARealDJ2k18
You'll still hear everything just as clear as you would without ear plugs in, and you won't destroy your chance of hearing your future grandkids sing in their music class recital. Plus, everyone who wears plugs at a show is a dance music veteran, and people will think you're cool. #NoHearingAids2k18
Leave Your God Damn Whistle at Home
A hush falls over the crowd. This is the moment you've all been waiting for. The artist is about to play the song you drove 100 miles to hear. Every soul in attendance is fixated on the stage, mouths agape, waiting for the bliss that is about to cascade from the speakers. Then, as the artist cracks a small smile knowing what is about to happen, you hear a piercing WHEEEEEE. Instantly, the beautiful energy that the song filled you with, disappears and you become filled with great vengeance and furious anger. Right as you're about to turn around and see what the hell just made that unholy noise, you hear another, louder WHEEEEEE but this time, it was somehow aimed directly at your eardrum. You finally turn to see a drunk, shirtless, obnoxiously sweaty, guy whistling more and more, completely out of sync with the song. You cover your ears and trudge through the crowd knowing that every show you've attended was the training you need to overcome this mighty foe. You reach the man and politely say, "hey man, WHEEEEEE can you WHEEEEEE chill with WHEEEEEE the whistle?" WHEEEEEE You're filled with joy as he finally stops for a second and gets ready to speak to you. He looks you square in the eye and says "Chill out, I'm just having some fun" and puts the dirty whistle to his mouth and lets out a long WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE right in your face. You fall to your knees and fade to black. That's it, you've been defeated, your training wasn't enough, you have no choice but to move to the back of the venue. #SmashWhistles2k18
Stop Spending Your Food and Rent Money on Festival Tickets
I know EDC is amazing, but do you know what else is amazing? Not starving and not getting evicted. #ConcertTicketsWontPayYourBills2k18